Mar 5, 2016

Smiles and Tears (Part 1)

The doubt that I had been having since last October has ended. It ended up with unnecessary tears in the beginning until I did not have any tears left for the real thing in the end.

However, I am very grateful. I felt like the stones that have been pressing on my heart had been lifted up. The world seems like, "Yes, no obstruction (for the mean time)!" I can finally step into my current college, feeling like I am one of them. No more hesitation to join anything because I will be staying for 18 months.

Then I realised, that's my own self-interest. The dreams I built as I held my result slip seemed so beautiful, until I saw others' slowly assuming theirs' have shattered. Red eyes. Running nose. Soft but obvious sobbing.

I felt like I was a very useless person because I turned out to be speechless when he cried in front of me. I felt like I am the worst friend ever. If we could have hugged, I would have offered one. I felt like I can float in a sea of tears but there I was, failed to produce any tears. My tear bags were dry; I regretted crying unnecessarily. But he is still so supportive of me. Many still congratulated me. Apart from making me feel sadder, they made me realised that these are the people I should never let go.

I did not manage to see many of my teachers. Luckily I met a lot of my other friends (including juniors), though I did not manage to take some photos with them. Also, I did not manage to see another two of my researchmates. As I reminisced the fond memories we had together, it is pretty sad not to meet all of them. Seriously, you guys are very special in my friends list.

And also by saying that (previous paragraph), I realise I lack the appreciation to the people I met. So, to those I met, I am very glad I managed to meet all of you guys, really. I just really, really hope it is not the last time we meet each other. It might be a little harder to meet all of you guys, but I am sure if there is a will there is a way.

To end Part 1,

Friends. It does not matter how good or how 'terrible' (which I actually don't think 'terrible' results exist - they are all brilliant in its own way) your result is, just to let you know that I am very proud of what you have done. Really, I know everyone must have put at least a little effort. I have been with you guys for two years and many of you I have known for more than 2 years (almost 6 years, in fact), I see the journey we all embarked with my own eyes. I don't mind the destination, what we have done matters more.

I always wish the best for all of us. 

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