May 5, 2017

Hello, May (2017)

I have never felt the weight of my responsibilities to be this heavy until earlier this week. I realised that the important things to me are as important (or even more) as they are to some people. They wish that I can make it; I hope I can make it. I used to think that if I made it, the success will be sweet to only me but little did I realise that the success will be a whole lot sweeter to them. This whole journey does not belong to me alone, but it belongs to all the people who have put their faith in me. Their lives change if my life changes. Their feelings fluctuate when my performance fluctuates. Their prayers are sent up to the sky when mine is too.

Every action I make is like dropping a stone into the river, sending out ripples which oscillates the dried branches and leaves. The closer the people are to me, the stronger they feel the impact. (Now, that reminds me of gravitational waves.)

I do not want to be a disappointment to myself and especially to them.

For God's sake, this whole thought is a damn good motivation.

Shifting this post to a lighter mood, there are a few things to briefly talk about. Too bad I do not access my Twitter account now, so everything just pours into here.

  1. After A Level ends, I thought of applying to TED as a translator. Of course, I have to ensure my level of commitment and my availability to be one but it does seem to be an interesting pursuit. Also, I have to really brush up all my Malay vocabularies! 
  2. Some Icona Pop's songs are good, like real good. I am into EDM -- all these synths, bass or wacky sounds (from AJR especially). To know Icona Pop in this genre is really pleasing, especially because I have been listening to male musicians. I mean, I knew Icona Pop some time ago from 'I Love It' but I never listen to their other songs until yesterday and now I'm hooked. I should really branch out more. 
  3. Mr Shan refers to his students as 'children'. That's really heartwarming. A* PHYSICS FOR YOU, MR SHAN (if God wills)
  4. I don't really get it when I read articles about "gifted children overthink". When I read the article, I wondered, "Isn't everyone like this? I mean, if you're not thinking all the time, what do you do??" I do not feel that overthinking/thinking all the time is a property exclusively in gifted people just because... I think everyone thinks all the time? 
  5. I have an inquiry circling around my head but I think it can be deemed as a sensitive issue to be discussed here or in any form of social media. I need to talk to a person or to people face-to-face because I feel that my intentions in discussing the issue will be twisted in words. 
  6. The main topics revolving in the campus: exams and university accommodations. It gets really repetitive but I cannot help but to ask, "Have you found a suitable place to stay?" so that a conversation sparks. I am currently forming some other over-the-dinner/lunch questions but as long as I haven't found a suitable one, I'll stay quiet. As expected, the meal is very silent.
  7. Why do I want to major in physics? That's a big question. One answer forms immediately and as cliche as it can sound, I just want to understand how everything works. A second and more personal answer will be that I find it challenging, so I want to learn more so that I understand it better. This is true when I study A Levels; the depth of the subject compared to SPM has helped in my overall physics understanding. I don't know if this works when I start university physics. Probably I'll be crying my eyes out solving hours-long problem sets. Other versions of answers are yet to be found.
  8. When you think something is hard, just think that there is something harder coming in the future. You'll stop whining and find 'that something' so much easier almost immediately. True story. 
  9. I wonder if piano excites me anymore at this point. It's a little too 'light' for me, considering that I have ventured into the realm of really low frequency sounds. 
  10. I get homesick really easily at the moment. 
  11. Rejecting the universities that I am not going to, when you have done so much work in your university application, is one of the saddest things to do. 
6 papers done, 13 more to go! I hope we all do our best!

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